Allyn and I had the opportunity to share our testimony with our church family this past weekend. Ours is not a story you would expect to be highlighted on Mother’s Day; however, our pastor has been preaching through the book of Job and asked if we would be willing to share from our own season of suffering and loss.
We were honored to have the opportunity to talk about what God is doing in our lives in this unusual season and hopefully to point to the reality of a God who brings beauty from ashes. We thought we would post our thoughts in case they might encourage some of our friends and family who weren’t with us this past Sunday.
The Linden tree that was planted last fall by our parents in memory of Phin and Bram
The marker at Phin and Bram’s tree
Our joy and expectation was cut through one morning in August when a routine ultrasound that often revealed two active healthy boys now showed no movement, no heartbeats. Our sons had died due to cord entanglement.
In a moment our lives were rocked to the core. The plans that we had made for our growing family, the plans that we thought God had ordained for us were forever changed.
We stumbled through those days of mourning, notifying friends and family, packing away baby items, and planning a memorial service. What do you do when life throws something like this at you?
Our dear friend Ric gave us good advice in those dark days. He told us to worship. When you are devastated and you don’t feel God’s goodness and you doubt His sovereignty you have to go on what you know, not what you feel.
The months since our loss have been difficult but growing times. We have had to wrestle with the questions of who God is and why He does what He does. Truthfully, I have had my moments of wanting to shake my fists at the sky and say “Why is this my story? I didn’t want this to be my story! I just want my sons!”
And yet, I know that my story has not been finished yet and that God will be faithful to accomplish something much bigger and better than I could ever imagine.
So what would I share with you this morning? I know many of you are familiar with grief, disappointment, and plans that looked promising and then were swapped for something that doesn’t make any sense. I would encourage you to not lose heart. Paul exhorts the believers in 2 Corinthians 4 that the troubles of today are light and momentary compared to the glory that is coming. And he tells us to fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, what is eternal. We must fix our eyes on Christ because He is our hope.
Allyn and I know that there will be a day when these tears are no more, when we will be whole again and we will be with Christ forever, never to experience loss or grief. And in that day all of the trials we have faced will be revealed in the grand scheme of God’s plan for His glory and our good. And it will not be wasted.
In the meantime, when that hope can seem so very far away, we take comfort knowing that even though we walk through the valley of the shadow of death, we are not alone. Christ, who knows suffering and knows grief and loss, is with us. We don’t just have to grit our teeth and hold on for the future hope because we have a present comforter. The Holy Spirit who indwells us, the son of God who walks beside us, and the Father who orchestrates all things according to His glorious purposes.
Friends, when you encounter seasons of trials and loss (and you will) let us encourage you to submit your plans to God. To trust Him even when it doesn’t feel like He is near. To worship Him when it doesn’t make any sense in the moment.
Let’s take a lesson from Job who, in the midst of utter loss speaks words that still ring true:
I know that my redeemer lives,
and that in the end he will stand on the earth.
26 And after my skin has been destroyed,
yet in my flesh I will see God;
27 I myself will see him
with my own eyes—I, and not another.
How my heart yearns within me!